Nuggets of quirkiest quips, snappy snippets and something zesty and twitty!!
Page :: 5
When the government bureau's remedies don't match your problem, you modify the problem, not the remedy.
When God endowed human beings with brains, he did not intend to guarantee them.
In Africa some of the native tribes have a custom of beating the ground with clubs and uttering spine chilling cries. Anthropologists call this a form of primitive self-expression. In America we call it golf.
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure..!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
The Income Tax Act of India runs over 950 pages with an assortment of 298 sections.
Save energy: be apathetic.
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
To determine how long it will take to write and debug a program, take your best estimate, multiply that by two, add one, and convert to the next higher units.
~ The Briggs-Chase Law of Program Development
Every absurdity has a champion who will defend it.
When all other means of communication fail, try words.
News is something someone somewhere doesn't want printed. Everything else is advertising!
Even the best watchmakers of the world cannot stop time!
Admiration is the daughter of ignorance.
Middle age is when the age starts to show around the middle!
At first man seeks possessions. Then the possessions become the man. Then he loses his self, his spirit and his soul.
Never trouble the trouble until trouble troubles you!
To call him 'moth-balled' is an insult to naphthalene.
Zadra's Law of BioMechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach!
Today''s laurels are tomorrow''s compost!
Why 'Expires on' or 'Use before'? Why not 'Enjoy by'?
I don't want friends. Friends always hurt you in the end. The human race is flawed from its very inception. Nobody is really able to love unselfishly. Everybody is cursed with the dark design of evolution, masterful yet cruel oeuvre of God.
~ Isidore Ducasse
The man who makes no mistake does not usually make anything.
You get ulcer not from what you eat but from what eats you.
Major organizations try to find temporary solutions to permanent problems and permanent solutions to temporary problems!
All round happiness!
- Walk groundly
- Talk profoundly
- Drink roundly
- Sleep soundly.
Researchers in Nottingham University in England have found that mothers who shun meat or fish and swear by herbivoral existence are more likely to give birth to daughters than carnivores! The reason: It is theorized that vegetarian diet stresses the mothers' body so much that only the stronger (read - female) embryos survive!
A ship is safest anchored at the harbor. But it is not meant for that purpose.
Don't try to be so humble, you are not that great!
"'sic transit gloria mundi' (Thus passes the Glory of the World!)"
Light cannot be adulterated with darkness.
"You cannot make an omelette without breaking the egg."
He had such a criminal record that he was wanted in 12 states and not wanted in the rest!
Drinking problem: 2 hands, but only one mouth!
Fool me once, shame on you! Fool me twice, shame on me!
"One of these days is none of these days!"
It is the busiest man who has time to spare.
Guide to Modern Science:
- If it is green or if it wriggles, it is Biology.
- If it stinks, it is Chemistry.
- If it doesn't work, it is Physics.
- If it is incomprehensible, it is Mathematics.
- If it doesn't make any sense, it is either economics or Psychology!
I could have been an Egyptologist, but mummy objected.
I wanted to be a mathematician, but I had too many problems.
Alternately, I wanted to become a mid-wife, but the labor pained me.
What is a sanitarium? Ans: A 'nut factory'!
Nuggets of quirkiest quips, snappy snippets and something zesty and twitty!!
Page :: 8
My dad discovered my mom and then invented me.
~ Unknown.
A person's worst critics are those who have benefited the most from him.
~ Aesop.
The hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which to burn.
~ David Russell.
It's called take-home pay because there's nowhere else you can afford to go with it!
~ Anon.
Where there is a will, there is an inheritance tax.
~ Anon.
Doctors bury their mistakes. Lawyers hang them. But journalists put theirs on the front page.
~ Don't know who!"
History never looks like history when you are living through it.
~ John W. Gardner."
Reading made Don Quixote a gentleman. Believing what he read made him mad.
~ George Bernard Shaw.
Don't drink and park. Accidents cause people!
A rupee saved is Income Tax department's oversight.
Science is organized knowledge. Wisdom is organized life.
~ Immanuel Kant.
A prohibitionist is the sort of man one wouldn't care to drink with -- even if he drank.
~ H.L. Mencken.
A musicologist is a man who can read music but can't hear it.
~ Sir Thomas Beecham.
Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.
~ Mark Twain .
The world is a dangerous place to live, not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it.
~ Albert Einstein
The great tragedy of science: the slaying of a beautiful hypothesis by an ugly fact.
~ Thomas Huxley
History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon.
~ Napoleon
First we thought the PC was a calculator. Then we found out how to turn numbers into letters with ASCII; and we thought it was a typewriter. Then we discovered graphics, and we thought it was a television. With the World Wide Web, we've realized it's a brochure.
~ Douglas Adams
I have learnt silence from the talkative, tolerance from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet strange, I am ungrateful to these teachers.
~ Khalil Gibran
He who joyfully marches in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would suffice.
~ Albert Einstein
Technological progress has merely provided us with more efficient means for going backwards.
~ Aldous Huxley
Success depends on three things:
- who says it,
- what he says,
- how he says it;
and of these three things,
what he says is the least important.
~ John, Viscount Morley of Blackburn
When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.
~ Franklin D.Roosevelt
Journalism largely consists in saying "Lord Jones Dead" to people who never knew that Lord Jones was alive.
~ C.K.Chesterton
Nothing is so unbelievable that oratory can't make it believable.
~ Cicero
India has too many laws; too little justice.
~ N.A.Palkiwala
An appeaser is one who feeds a corcodile - hoping that it will eat him last.
~ Winston Churchill
I cannot forecast to you the action of Russia. It is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma.
~ Winston Churchill.
Restlessness is discontent and discontent is the first necessity of progress - show me a thoroughly satisfied man and I will show you a failure.
~ Thomas Alva Edison.
Few people know how to be old.
~ Rochefoucauld
A man never tells you anything until you contradict him.
~ George Bernard Shaw.
Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
Sign posted in a Rhodes tailor shop
It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
A sign posted in Germany's Black forest
I sometimes feel I am diagonally parked in a parallel universe..!
Saw in a sig.
Don't drill too deep for truth; you'll end up deeply disappointed!
~ S.K
A Whale shark is a whale among sharks, whereas a Killer Whale is a shark among whales!
~ S.K
Each year 100 million sharks are being killed by man - so many that if you put them together, nose to tail, they would encircle the globe five times!
~ Premier Magazine.
I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.
~ Mark Twain
If you don't stand for something, you might fall for everything.
It is not the pen.
It is the penmanship.
Nuggets of quirkiest quips, snappy snippets and something zesty and twitty!!
Page :: 7
A hangover is the vengeance of grapes!
You ain't learning nothing when you are talking!
I have made up my mind. So, don't confuse me with facts!
Depression is the higher pitch of sorrow just as rancour is a higher pitch of anger.
'Ties are for slaves!' - A T-Shirt ad.
He was the only one in the group on a trip to Europe who didn't find anything wrong with the Tower of Pisa!
A man isn't necessarily a burglar because he wears a decent set of dress!
If someone doesn't create wealth, and slightly excess of it, charity would not just begin at home but would remain there!
We are on the wrong side of the tapestry
~ Father Brown
Fact is opinion.
~ Jug Soraya
I have been doing this from the time when you were a mere itch in your father's pants.
~ Heared in "Lethal weapon".
All cats are gray in the dark!
Which is bigger, Mr.Bigger or Master Bigger?
Ans: Master Bigger, because he is a little Bigger!
Which is bigger, Mr.Bigger or his Old maid aunt?
Ans: The old maid aunt, because, whatever happens, she is always Bigger!
~ P.G.wodehouse.
Some cute Euphemistic Aliases!
- Car Salesperson: Transportation Counselor
- Elevator Operator: A member of the Vertical Transportation Corps
- Shovel: A combat Emplacement Excavator
- A lie: Inadvertently disclosed incorrect information
- A lie (2): Terminological Inexactitude
- Atom Bomb: Radiation enhancement device.
- Firing an Employee: Proactive repositioning.
- Insanity: Mental activity at the margin.
- Lobbyist, Middleman or a Fixer: Freelance marketing consultant.
- Debt: Investment deficit.
There is one thing to be said about an egotist - he doesn't talk about other people.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
Diplomacy is the art of saying, "Nice doggie" until you can pick up a big stick.
The average time between throwing something out and needing it again is about two weeks.
Oratory is the art of making deep noises from the chest sound like important messages from the brain.
If you can't get a lawyer who knows the law, get one who knows the judge.
Enjoy life. There's plenty of time to be dead
I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is to try to please everyone
~ Bill Cosby
The cheapest way to get your family tree traced is to run for an office in an election.
After retirement you'll find out that all those things you never had time to do become all those things that you have no money to do.
He was called arrogant, cavalier, cantankerous, impulsive,mercurial, self-absorbed, egotistical, combative, flamboyant, conceited, impractical and in short, a Genius!
Anyone who says he can see through a woman is missing a lot.
~ Groucho Marx.
A jack of all trades leads an interesting life. But the master realizes one day that he is no longer the master.
~ Riz khan.
Democracy is inseparable from incompetence.
~ Rudyard Kipling.
Wealth is the foe of ingenuity.
~ Prof.Northcote Parkinson.
Some cause happiness wherever they go, others whenever they go.
~ Oscar Wilde.
There are many ways of going forward, but only one of standing still.
~ Franklin.D.Roosevelt.
A thief believes everybody steals.
~ E.W.Howe.
Darkness can't drive out darkness; Hate cannot drive out hate.
~ Martin Luther King.Jr.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
~ Anon.
The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it.
~ W. M. Lewis.
Life is like a beautiful melody, only the lyrics are messed up.
~ Anon.
Quoting one is plagiarism; Quoting many is research.
~ Anon.
Never argue with an idiot, they drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
~ Anon.
Give me a lever long enough and a fulcrum on which to place it, and I shall move the world.
~ Archimedes, (Pappus of Alexandria).
When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their watches, but what I do not tolerate is when they look at it and raise it to their ear to find out if it has stopped!
~ Marcel Achard.
Nuggets of quirkiest quips, snappy snippets and something zesty and twitty!!
Page :: 6
"Today is the Tomorrow that you worried about Yesterday!"
We have countless little ancestors inside us constantly trying to tell us what to do.
"We pretend to work because they pretend to pay."
Only Robinson Crusoe had everything done by Friday!
Before my parents made me, they broke the mould.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math!
"Time stops when law steps in."
"No man is a hero to his valet!"
Benito Musolini made Italian trains run on time (so did Indira Gandhi in India during Emergency!)
There are some people who are famous only for being famous!
Big jump ideas, if one reviews past history, have come out of mistakes, accidents and madness.
~ Edward de Bono
Some days I feel my life is in a "win-when" situation!
I don’t like to be reminded that I was once inside another person!
"Higher level of intelligence makes the person defend his point increasingly and try to prove someone else wrong."
Opinions are like a**holes - everybody has them!
The smell of wet earth.
Clouds chasing each other.
The flash of a diving kingfisher.
A drink from a burbling brook.
A fruit from a branch above.
A mouthful of mountain mist.
Trees to climb.
Tigers to fear.
And whales to wonder at.
Oh, to be a child and inherit all this.
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
Altitude has no effect on validity. Bullshit cannot be converted to truth simply by dropping it from a greater height.
In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
Insanity is my only means of relaxation.
One of the life's mysteries is how a two-pound box of candy can make a woman gain five pounds.
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
Every time I think about exercise, I lie down until the thought goes away.
It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the moment of temptation.
Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.
The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
The nice part of living in a small town is that when I don't know what I'm doing, someone else does.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
Age doesn't always bring wisdom; sometimes age comes alone.
Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.
Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.
If at first you don't succeed, see if the loser gets anything.
You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop laughing.
Can it be a mistake that "STRESSED" is "DESSERTS" spelled backwards?
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever!
~ A chinese proverb.
Nuggets of quirkiest quips, snappy snippets and something zesty and twitty!!
Page :: 4
Never fart audibly in an interview unless it's part of the job description.
In the blind world of IT the one-eyed nerd is king.
If you want to know what is your 'take-home' pay, look for the smallest figure on the whole pay slip.
To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world.
A true friend is someone who is prepared to stab you in the front.
A creative mess is better than an idle tidiness.
What doesn''t kill me makes me pissed off, but also a lot stronger.
The article was both original and interesting. But the part that was original was not interesting, and the one that was interesting was not original!
The better the experts are at what they are best at, the more limited is their field of vision.
When you are right, you cannot be too radical; when you are wrong, you cannot be too conservative.
~ Martin Luther King Jr.
Once you reach the top, it is difficult even on a clear day to see beyond the tip of your nose!
He is as snug as a bug in a rug.
I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.
~ Thomas Jefferson
Nothing can be a provable certainty, since everything is based on the assumption of one's own cognitive capabilities.
~ Robert Rubin
You don''t get to the thing that you believe in. It gets you!
When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'Whose?'
~ Don Marquis
He who knows how to obey, knows how to command.
~ Swami Vivekananda
Selfishness is such a detestable vice that none forgives in others; but none is without in himself!
He who knows not, knows not he knows not, shun him.
He who knows not, knows he knows not, educate him.
He who knows, knows not he knows, awaken him.
He who knows, knows he knows, listen to him.
He who knows not, masquerades he knows and gets away with it, HE is your leader, follow him!
~ S.K
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!
There are known knowns - things we know we know. There are known unknowns - things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns - the ones we don't know we don't know.
~ Donald Rumsfeld
Good artists copy, great artists steal.
~ Pablo Picasso
There are two kinds of people: Who is who and Who is He
Fighting for Peace is like fu**king for Virginity.
~ An anti-war placard
The Laws of Infernal Dynamics are an adage about the cursedness of the universe. The laws are as follows: 'An object in motion will be moving in the wrong direction. An object at rest will be in the wrong place.'
Activity is not equal to productivity.
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer.
Sir, I admit your general rule that evey officer is a fool. But you yourself may serve to show it that every fool is not an officer.
The cost of livimg hasn't reduced its popularity.
If you sit down at a poker game and don't see a sucker, quit, since You're the going to be the one.
There is no substitute for good manners, except, perhaps, fast reflexes.
Magnet, n.: Something acted upon by magnetism. Magnetism, n.: Something acting upon a magnet.
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
Democracy is a government where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
Bureaucrats cut red tape -- lengthwise.
What you don't know can hurt you, only you won't know it.
Behold the warranty - the bold print giveth and the fine print taketh away.
God isn't dead, he just couldn't find a parking place.
French statesman Clemencean famously described America as the only nation in history which miraculously went direct from barbarism to degeneration without the usual interval of civilisation.
An elephant is a mouse with an operating system.
Nuggets of quirkiest quips, snappy snippets and something zesty and twitty!!
Page :: 3
He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others.
Samuel Johnson
He had delusions of adequacy
Walter Kerr
There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure.
Jack Leonard
why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?
Mark twain
False facts are highly injurious to the progress of science for they often endure long.
Charles Darwin
In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
Fran Lebowitz
Humility is no substitute for a good personality.
If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater, suggest that he wear a tail.
Fran Lebowitz
Don't ever take a fence down before you know why it was put up.
Robert Frost
Archaeologist: A man whose career is in ruins.
Hal Roach
History is the short trudge from Adam to atom.
Leonard Louis Levinson
To err is human. Not to forgive is still more human.
S.K
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
George Burns
I've noticed that everyone who is for abortion has already been born.
Ronald Reagan.
It's true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
Egotist is someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
How to make a Venetian blind: By punching on his eyes!
Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind.
The ships hang in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.
Never mistake knowledge for wisdom.
Girls are like internet domain names. The good ones are already taken.
The idea of a society with less crime is itself a threat to the prestige of those in law enforcement.
Robert X.Cringely
His heart was tied up in a pretzel knot of self-deprecation.
I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I am not.
The entire sum of existence is the magic of being needed by just one other person.
Action is the enemy of thought.
The key to immortality is to first live a life worth remembering.
Microsoft is now talking about the digital nervous system. I guess I would be nervous if my system was built on their technology, too.
Scott McNealy CEO, Sun Microsystems
McNealy is two standard deviations away from reality in what he says.
Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer on McNealy
A great deal of the future is embedded in the present.
R Seshasayee, Managing Director, Ashok Leyland Ltd, India.
Marriage is not about compatibility, but about being able to live with the incompatibilities.
Never use a metaphor, simile, or any other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print.
George Orwell in '1946'
Justice is blind, slow, and unequal. What makes this possible is a legal system designed for the late 18th century
Robert(Bob) X.Cringely
If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. But right now, be quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers...!
Homer Simpson
The eyes of my eyes are opened.
We don't have the user-centricity until we understand context, which is way beyond presence--presence is the most trivial notion of context.
Bill Gates on Dot.Net
Friends, Morons, other Countrymen! Lend me your jeers!
If the people described in CV's actually existed, the business world would be packed with highly educated, multi-lingual, computer literate, team playing perfectionists instead of the knackered rabble of clock watchers you find in real life.
The proof of good gossip is that for which the first reaction is an outrageous 'No!'
I am S.K!
Ok, what's the big deal, you may ask! But you may miss a good deal if you do not dwell deep into this web site, specially hand-crafted for you. But what about me, the person? Wait, I am not good at making things up. If you stumble upon a good-sounding résumé, please pass it on to me!
