Nuggets-Page-16
Nuggets of quirkiest quips, snappy snippets and something zesty and twitty!!
Page :: 16
The meaning of life is not simply to exist, to survive, but to move ahead, to go up, to achieve, to conquer.
Middle age - when everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
Feminists and flat tires are seldom in each others company.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.
Karama saari basa (Relax only after finishing the job)
Bhagari maari hasa (Laugh only after killing your enemy)
Bhagari maari hasa (Laugh only after killing your enemy)
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Anything essential is invisible to the eyes.
Prospective husband in a bookstore: "Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?"
Salesgirl: "The fiction department is on the other side, sir."
Salesgirl: "The fiction department is on the other side, sir."
Leading normal life, doing normal things, that is the good luck we don't even think about.
Worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere.
The trick is in what one emphasizes. We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same.
I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
There are two motives for reading a book; one, that you enjoy it; the other, that you can boast about it.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what’s for lunch.
The older I grow, the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.
You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can make a fool of yourself anytime.
Recursive
definition: see recursive..
definition: see recursive..
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
As a rule we disbelieve all the facts and theories for which we have no use.
Honesty is the best image.
The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius.
Efficiency is intelligent laziness.
I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me.
Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
Anyone who uses the phrase 'easy as taking candy from a baby' has never tried taking candy from a baby.
Happiness is not achieved by the conscious pursuit of happiness; it is generally the by-product of other activities.
The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them.
The best way to handle a temptation is to succumb to that.
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Nuggets-Page-15
Nuggets of quirkiest quips, snappy snippets and something zesty and twitty!!
Page :: 15
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
Truth is restricted to being one. Lie is not.
How many husbands have I had? You mean apart from my own?
I'm a great housekeeper. I get divorced. I keep the house.
To a smart girl men are no problem - they're the answer.
Balance sheet:
On the left side nothing's right and
on the right side nothing's left.
On the left side nothing's right and
on the right side nothing's left.
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur.
Confusion is a kinky form of enlightenment, clarity in drag.
Uncertainty is certainty that has stepped on a banana peel.
Negativity is brilliance competing with itself.
"As above so below;
as below so above;
as within so without;
as without so within."
as below so above;
as within so without;
as without so within."
Meditation makes doing nothing look respectable.
"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."
We agreed to disagree and that is the only thing that we have ever agreed.
Half the world doesn't know how the other three quarters live.
A politician is trained int he art of inexactitude.
Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
A tree never hits an automobile except in self-defense.
Law can never correct a family, it can only destroy.
The silence of good men is more dangerous than the brutality of bad men.
Every man is of supreme importance to himself.
Q: What is the art of diplomacy?
A: Providing answers that don't even begin to match the question.
A: Providing answers that don't even begin to match the question.
Laziness grows on people; it begins in cobwebs and ends in iron chains.
The love of indolence is universal, or next to it.
Statistics are 99% accurate and 1% true.
We are not out of work because the economy is bad. The economy is bad because we are out of work.
It’s not the question of being at the right place at the right time. It is also being lucky.
“I have known you for longer than I have not known you.”
Most men live lives of quiet desperation.
Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.
What a computer is to me is it's the most remarkable tool that we've ever come
up with, and it's the equivalent of a bicycle for our minds.
up with, and it's the equivalent of a bicycle for our minds.
Our lives are frittered away by detail;
simplify, simplify.
simplify, simplify.
To amplify, try to simplify.
Nobody says it better than the guy quoting the boss.
Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up.
It knows it must run faster than the fastest lion or it will be killed.
Every morning a lion wakes up.
It knows it must outrun the slowest gazelle or it will starve to death.
It doesn't matter whether you are a lion or a gazelle.
When the sun comes up, you better start running.
It knows it must run faster than the fastest lion or it will be killed.
Every morning a lion wakes up.
It knows it must outrun the slowest gazelle or it will starve to death.
It doesn't matter whether you are a lion or a gazelle.
When the sun comes up, you better start running.
You can never cross the ocean unless you lose sight of the shore.
An opinion should be the result of thought, not a substitute for it.
The roots of science, religion and philosophy can be traced to a mortal fear of nature, future and the unknown.
In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies,but the silence of our friends.
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Nuggets-Page-14
Nuggets of quirkiest quips, snappy snippets and something zesty and twitty!!
Page :: 14
Borrow money from pessimists.
They don't expect it back.
They don't expect it back.
When you make a war talk, you had better be prepared for a war.
"Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live."
Cruelty springs from weakness and insecurity.
People who have time on hands will inevitably waste the time of others who have work to do.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Just because you can do something, that doesn't mean you should.
Don't whistle at the girl going out from here. She may be your grandmother!
Success is relative. More the success, more the relatives.
Don't let your kids drive if they are not old enough - or else they never will be.....
In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.
A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem.
I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would have no personality at all.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
Don't sweat petty things....or pet sweaty things.
I want to be like Gandhi, Martin Luther King and John Lennon.... but I want to stay alive.
When people find out that I'm just a human being I guess I disappoint them.
A happy marriage is the one that exists "betwixt a blind wife and a deaf husband".
Men are always doomed to be duped — they are always wooing Goddesses and marrying mere mortals.
Money is honey
my little sonny
and a rich man's joke
is always funny.
my little sonny
and a rich man's joke
is always funny.
There are three kinds of people - those who can count and those who can't.
Humility is a strange thing. The moment you think you've got it, you've lost it.
Small things hurt a lot. You can sit on top of a mountain but not on the tip of a pin.
Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.
The opulence of the front office decor varies inversely with the fundamental solvency of the firm.
Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.
Bachelors should be heavily taxed.
It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.
It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.
I don't worry about terrorism.
I was married for two years.
I was married for two years.
Everybody is born with death in him; it is only a matter of time.
Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
The concept that an accused is innocent till proved guilty and must be treated with due respect and dignity finds no place in Indian courts where only the judge has honour and only the advocates are learned.
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Girls want a wedding, they don't want a marriage. If only you could have weddings without marriages.
You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take.
"I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly."
The difference between a child and an adult is not years, rather it is a willingness to accept responsibility, to be responsible for one's actions.
The truth is more important than the facts.
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Nuggets-Page-13
Nuggets of quirkiest quips, snappy snippets and something zesty and twitty!!
Page :: 13
Governments keep a lot of secrets from their people.
Why aren't the people in return allowed to keep secrets from the government?
Why aren't the people in return allowed to keep secrets from the government?
If you're not outraged, you're not paying attention.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
Rule of Defactualization:
Information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies.
Information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies.
Some people are born mediocre, some people achieve mediocrity, and some people have mediocrity thrust upon them.
The trouble with being punctual is that people think you have nothing more important to do.
Alone, adj.:
In bad company.
In bad company.
A transistor protected by a fast-acting fuse will protect the fuse by blowing first.
No good deed goes unpunished.
Remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other.
Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
O Liberty! How many crimes are committed in thy name!
If you force folks to own what they say, odds are they’d watch what they say, too.
Employees make inexcusable errors; bosses make only human mistakes.
There are two ways of knowing. One is to actually know a thing, the other is knowing where to find out.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
Good better best
Never let 'em rest
Till your good is better
And your better best.
Never let 'em rest
Till your good is better
And your better best.
If food compromises with poison death will win.
Exercise and excuse are close cousins.
What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?
Magnets have a positive side.
Magnets have a positive side.
If you lend someone money, and never see him again, it was probably worth it.
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
You have the right to remain silent. Please exercise it.
Behind every successful man is a woman; behind her is his wife.
If you don't like the news, go out and make some.
He was arrested for walking in someone else's sleep.
He doesn't know the meaning of fear, but then he doesn't know the meaning of most words.
Work always fascinates me. I can sit and watch it for hours.
Q: What is the thinnest book in the world?
A: "What men know about women".
A: "What men know about women".
If god had really intended men to fly, he'd have made it easier to get to the airport.
I don't know, I don't care and it doesn't make any difference.
You can select any color of the car you want, as long as it is black.
All men are animals. Some make better pets.
I tell you, gold is easier found than kept.
The day you start realizing what your father said was right, you already have a son who says you are wrong.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
It is a cliché that most clichés are true, but then like most clichés, that cliché is untrue.
"Some oxygen molecules help fires burn, while others help make water, so sometimes it's brother against brother."
If you don't know what you are doing, do it neatly.
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Nuggets-Page-10
Nuggets of quirkiest quips, snappy snippets and something zesty and twitty!!
Page :: 10
Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.
Indecision may or may not be my problem.
I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.
Late to bed and late to wake will keep you long on money and short on mistakes.
The best doctor in the world is the veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter-he's got to just know.
"Who are you and how did you get in here?"
"I'm a locksmith. And, I'm a locksmith."
"I'm a locksmith. And, I'm a locksmith."
The main dangers in this life are the people who want to change everything - or nothing.
Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it.
The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor judge of distance.
You must quit when people ask you "why", and not, "why not"!
Be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.
The ripest peach is highest on the tree.
Morality is contraband in war.
When I could not see the light with my blind eyes, I blamed not my eyes, but the sun.
The punishment which the wise suffer who refuse to take part in the government, is to live under the government of worse men.
Eighty percent of success is showing up.
But there are advantages to being elected President. The day after I was elected, I had my high school grades classified Top Secret.
"If I don't seem as depressed or morose as I should be, sorry to disappoint you."
There is no such thing, at this stage of the world’s history in America, as an independent press. I am paid weekly for keeping my honest opinions out of the paper. We are intellectual prostitutes.
Television enables you to be entertained in your home by people you wouldn't have in your home.
Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day.
Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat.
Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consultant
Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat.
Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consultant
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Normal people believe that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain’t broke, it doesn’t have enough features yet.
Man is the lowest-cost, 150-pound, nonlinear, all-purpose computer system which can be mass-produced by unskilled labor.
We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.
Research is the process of going up alleys to see if they are blind.
All marriages are mixed marriages.
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
To believe is to know you believe, and to know you believe is not to believe.
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
What is written without effort is in general read without pleasure.
The trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed.
An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support.
The petty economies of the rich are just as amazing as the silly extravagances of the poor.
When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not.
All Religions were invented by the Devil to conceal God from Mankind.
Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure.
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
There are persons who, when they cease to shock us, cease to interest us.
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Nuggets-Page-9
Nuggets of quirkiest quips, snappy snippets and something zesty and twitty!!
Page :: 9
You must have the steak as well as the sizzle.
I don't see any reason why American troops won't be able to come home Iraq slightly earlier than never!
Dictionary is the place where divorce comes before marriage.
College is a place where some pursue learning and others learn pursuing.
"etc." - A sign to make others believe you know more than you actually do.
A classic is book which people praise, but never read.
Experience is the name men give to their mistakes.
A criminal is guy who is no different from the rest - except that he got caught!
Boss is someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Doctor is one who kills your ills with pills, but kills you with his bills.
"AIDS" - a superconductor (No resistance!)
An elephant is a mouse built on Government specifications.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
Be kind to plants; eat more herbivores.
Committees do harm merely by existing.
Repay your debts only if you have plans to ask for more.
Do unto others what they would do unto you, before they get a chance.
An accountant is one who comes to a different conclusion when he adds up your expenses.
It is not enough that you succeed; others must fail.
Junk : Stuff you throw away
Stuff : Junk you keep
Stuff : Junk you keep
Mary had a little lamb - the doctor was surprised!
The buck doesn't even slow down here!
A signature reveals a man's character - sometimes his name too.
In countries under dictatorship, surgeons remove tonsils only through the anus!
Honesty is a policy that never matures for payment.
A friend in need is a friend to avoid!
Reading maketh a full nerd, writing an egghead and speaking a fearful dread!
Justice delayed is advocate longer paid.
Charity begins at home, and stays there mostly.
If you want to achieve success, peck, burrow, bray and kneel.
If you don't succeed at first attempt, bluff and bribe again.
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts.
"I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting."
A good novel tells us the truth about its hero; but a bad novel tells us the truth about its author.
Ten habits of extremely lazy people:-
1. They don't like to finish things.....
The real hero is always a hero by mistake; he dreams of being an honest coward like everybody else.
Facts are the enemy of truth.
Biography lends to death a new terror.
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