Don’t sweat the small stuff - a review

October 25, 2007 · Filed Under General · Comment 

Yes, don’t fret over a trifle and make your life a miserable one! A sane advice indeed!

Dont sweat the small stuff..Here is an excerpt from an absorbing book, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff - and it’s all small stuff by Richard Carlson, Ph.d.

Often we allow ourselves to get all worked up about things that, upon closer examination, aren’t really that big a deal. We focus on little problems and concerns and blow them way out of proportion. a stranger, for example, might cut in front of us in traffic. Rather than let it go, and go on with our day, we convince ourselves that we are justified in our anger. We play out an imaginary confrontation in our mind. many of us might even tell someone else about the incident later on arther than let it go.

Why not simply allow the driver to have his accident somewhere else? Try to have compassion for the person and remember how painful it is to be in such an enormous hurry. This way, we can maintain our sense of well-being and avoid taking other people’s problems personally.

There are many similar “small stuff” examples that occur every day in our lives. Whether we had to wait in line, listen to unfair criticism, or do the lion’s share of work, it pays enormous dividends if we learn not to worry about little things. So many people spend so much of their life energy “sweating the small stuff” that they completely lose touch with the magic and beauty of life. When you commit to working to ward this goal you will find that you will have far more energy to be kinder and gentler.

Here are some of the nuggets of wisdom found in the book:-

  • Make peace with imperfection
  • Don’t interrupt others or finish their sentences
  • Learn to live in the present moment
  • We allow past problems and future concerns to dominate our present moments
  • The aim for perfection and desire for inner tranquility conflict with each other
  • If someone throws you a ball, you don’t have to catch it
  • Choose your battles wisely
  • Trust your intuitive inner voice

But one trend of his advice to lead one’s life is something I am unable to fully agree with since it is not consonance with the real world and the way people’s mind works. He advocates universal love like a preacher! Many of his axioms are fit only for an Utopia! He champions a sense of altruism, which will practically make you a perpetual sucker in this man-eating-man world!

Look at this piece of advice in his book:-

If in doubt about whose turn it is take out the trash, go ahead and take it out.

Well, if you follow this wise counsel, you will end up carting trash throughout your life and other folks may even palm of their further fatigues on you!

As I was writing a review of this book, I just came to know he is no longer with us. With a poignant note, I stopped the critical review and wanted to remember the man as one who loved humanity and wanted to make everyone’s life a better one.

The Memorial message on his web site ends with this solemn observation:-

Richard Carlson left his own trail as he walked the earth and lived a life devoted to peace, love, and the betterment of humanity.

Let me end this with the cardinal message from Mr. Carlson:-

“Treasure yourself and the Gift of Life!”

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Ten steps to Happiness

October 6, 2007 · Filed Under General · Comment 

Ten Steps to Inner Happiness!

By Brad Swift.

I find it interesting that although the United States is considered by many to be the most prosperous country in the world and the most prosperous society in history, so many of us are unhappy. It has also been my observation that an increasing number of us are awakening to this fact, and are searching for ways to be happier.

Of course, there are volumes written about this subject, so this top ten list isn’t intended to be the final word on the subject. But, taking some of these suggestions to heart and putting them into action will move you well down the road to inner happiness.

  1. STOP:

    2. In a recent interview with small business guru Michael Gerber, author of The E-Myth Revisited, I asked him what one key step or strategy would it give to listeners that they could put into place in their businesses that would make the biggest difference. He summarized it in one word — stop! Stop and take the time to really think through what you’re doing.

    The advice is just as sound in our personal lives. Most of our lives are simply running out of control. It’s like we have our ‘pedal to the metal’ and we don’t know how to take our foot off, or perhaps we’re afraid of what will happen if we do. I’m more concerned about what will happen if we don’t. So, start getting access to a greater degree of inner happiness by first stopping. Sounds paradoxical? Maybe, but it’s a vital first step.

  2. WHAT IS INNER HAPPINESS?:

    3. One of the most important reasons to stop the frenetic pace of your life for a while is so you can begin to answer the question, “What is inner happiness?” Once you’ve spent a bit of time on that one, go on to these:

    • What will bring me inner happiness?
    • How will I know when I’ve experienced a new level of inner happiness?
    • What will it look like, feel like, what will be happening or not happening in my life?
    • Where would I want to experience more inner happiness?
    • At work? At home? With my family and friends?
  3. SHIFT YOUR ATTITUDE TO ONE OF ‘DESERVABILITY’:

    4. This is a new word that a participant in one of my workshops recently coined. I like what happens from combining ‘deserve’ with ‘ability.’ We are all able to shift our attitude to one of deserving happiness. And if you aren’t then there may be some deep seated emotional blocks that need to be addressed through counseling or some other channels. This step is summarized in one of my favorite sayings, “Suffering is optional.” You deserve to be happy.

  4. HANDLE LIFE’S DETAILS ONCE AND FOR ALL:

    5. The details I’m referring to are those basic needs that we all have — food, clothing, shelter, love, etc. Is it possible to have inner peace while your outer life is in turmoil? Yes, actually I believe that it is possible, but I also believe it’s a lot more challenging and so unnecessary. It’s difficult to take the time to contemplate what will bring you true inner happiness when your stomach keeps growling from lack of food. Go take care of your stomach first.

  5. ELIMINATE WHAT DETRACTS FROM HAPPINESS:

    6. These next two steps are so simple in nature that their power can easily be missed. If you want inner happiness (or pretty much anything else), eliminate from your life that which detracts from it. This includes those emotional blocks I spoke about earlier. It may also include the elimination of ‘toxic relationships,’ clutter around your home, unsatisfying work, excess weight, etc.

  6. ADD IN MORE OF WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY:

    7. Once you’ve eliminated ’stuff’ that makes you unhappy or detracts from your happiness, you’ve now made room for adding in what will contribute to your happiness. This can work on many different levels. For example, once I cleaned and organized my office, and eliminated many of the file folders that surrounded my desk, there was room to add some beauty to my office decor. I now have a small fountain on top of my oak filing cabinet, a decorative aquarium on the library table and several plants (including a Christmas Cactus which is beautifully blooming as of this writing.) But when I was surrounded by clutter, there was no room for these beautiful additions. My surroundings now contribute to my happiness.

  7. FIND YOUR BALANCE BETWEEN INNER WORK AND OUTER EXPRESSION:

    8. I’m currently reading a wonderful book by Wayne Muller entitled, Sabbath: Restoring the Sacred Rhythm of Rest. (Bantam Books, April 1999) The following passage points to this important step to happiness:

    “The noise of our lives made us deaf, unable to hear when we are called, or from which direction. Henri (a friend of Muller’s and a priest) said our lives have become absurd — because in the word absurd we find the Latin word absurdus, which means deaf. In our spiritual life we need to listen to God who constantly speaks but whom we seldom hear in our hurried defense.

    On the other hand, Henri was fond of reminding me that the word obedient comes from the Latin word audire, which means “to listen.” Henri believed that a spiritual life was a pilgrimage from absurdity to obedience — from deafness to listening.”

    If you’re living a loud life of absurdity, it’s important to add in moments of peaceful rest and solitude so you can listen and hear life’s call to you.

  8. KEEP WATERING THE ROOTS OF YOUR HAPPINESS TREE:

    9. As you identify what provides you with inner happiness it’s important to keep doing them. While this may sound so obvious as to be not worth mentioning, it’s surprising how often people stop doing what they know works. If watering the roots produces luscious fruit then keep watering the roots. If devoting the first hour of each day in quiet meditation and reflection helps you stay centered and present throughout your day and that makes you happy, then don’t drop that special time out of your routine.

  9. SPREAD IT AROUND:

    10. Happiness doesn’t have to be a one-person show. While it may begin with you and end with you, in between are plenty of opportunities to spread it around to others. You will probably find that spreading it around simply adds to your own experience of joy and satisfaction, so don’t be stingy with it.

  10. ACKNOWLEDGE THE ‘SHADOW’ AND MOVE ON:

    11. And from time to time even the happiest among us will have occasion for sadness. If we didn’t, we wouldn’t be able to fully appreciate our happiness. So, when those days come along, embrace them. Allow yourself to be present to whatever there’s just know that you don’t need to stay stuck in the shadows. Acknowledge them and then, when you’re ready, move on.

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Get along with people

October 4, 2007 · Filed Under General · Comment 

This page dwells on the art of loving your fellow human beings genuinely. There is no better emotion than affection. Give dollops of Love all round. You get plentiful in return!

* Tell me often that you love me, through your actions and words. Don’t assume that I know it. I may look embarrassed and even deny it that I need that attention. But don’t believe me; Do it anyway!

* Compliment me often for jobs well done, and reassure me when I fail. Don’t take what I do for you for granted.

* Let me know when you feel low or lonely or misunderstood. Knowing that I have the power to comfort you makes me stronger. Remember though I love you, I can’t read your mind.

* Express joyous thoughts and feelings spontaneously. They bring vitality to our relationship. The world is full of delights and rich in possibilities. Allow the unplanned and unpredictable.

* Listen to me without judgment. Don’t tell me what I feel is insignificant or not real. It is my experience and therefore real to me.

* Let others know you value me. Public affirmation of our love makes me feel special and proud.

* Forgiveness often comes hard, especially when we can find no explanation for another person’s hurtful behaviour.

* Trust is impossible without truth. When there is no truth, there is no love. Even insignificant deceptions can lead to tangled webs of distrust.

* We must have as deep a respect for others’ attitudes and feelings as we do for our own.

* Often it is not the big problems that cause relationships to fail but a series of small things over a long period of time:

  1. little inconsiderate behaviours;
  2. thoughtless comments;
  3. words unspoken; or
  4. well intended acts that are constantly put off.

* We frequently treat casual acquaintances more thoughtfully than we do our loved ones. “Thank you”, “Please”, “I appreciate it”, “If you don’t mind” are ways to demo your love for another. Yes, understand that human mind longs for such overtures.

* We should create an environment of warmth and consideration for those we love, treating each other with dignity. We grow best in an atmosphere of thoughtfulness. Because there is nothing greater in life than loving another and being loved in return!

* “In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.”

~ Carl Sagan

* In order to live free and happily, you must sacrifice boredom. It is not always an easy sacrifice.

~ Richard Bach, Illusions

* It’s better to lead with your dreams, than to be pushed by your problems.

~ John T. Dornbach

* Live never to be ashamed if anything you do or say is published around the world - even if what is published is not true.

~ Richard Bach, from Illusions

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People First

July 11, 2007 · Filed Under General · Comment 

If you can think of something more stringent than Capital Punishment, you bet it is Solitary confinement (or, “the hole!”)
Man being a social animal, he craves continuous interaction with a fellow being of his own species!
I wish to dwell further into the very secret alleys of the enigma that is the homo-sapien!

Keep in mind!
  • People tend to remember unpleasant happenings than good ones. Hence it’d be wiser to avoid identifying yourself with the unsavory!
    Never be a harbinger of bad news!

    Once I did bad
    That I heard ever
    Once I did good
    That I heard never

  • Remember others’ Names!

    One’s name is the sweetest thing that one wants to hear!

    ~ Dale Carnegie.
  • If you want others to have confidence in you, you appear self-confident first!

  • We must accept others as we are - imperfect and incomplete!

    Do not apply double standards!

  • Do not be comparing yourself continually with others!

  • Your carriage, posture, demeanor and speech must exude confidence and generate comfort and peace of mind in others.

  • Show people what you can, not what you can’t!

  • Communicate with
    • Open eyes
    • Open mind
    • And Open ears
  • Communication is an Art!
    • Miscommunication is one of the chief causes of all conflicts.
    • One word may evoke different responses in people with different backgrounds. Gestures can convey not only different but opposite meanings.
    • Be clear in your own mind as to what you want to communicate. Use everyday language.
    • Always be “to the point”; do not drivel, hem and haw.
    • Look into the eye and speak!
    • Write in simple sentences, in plain unambiguous language. Don’t be a show-off - it’ll hurt other’s ego!
  • Don’t talk about yourself all the time.
    Everyone is interested more on him(her)self, not on you!
    Tone down the propensity to go “I”, “I”(1st chapter!) all the time!
    • Once gets a cheer
    • Twice a deaf ear
    • Thrice a kick in the rear!
  • Don’t be gullible to believe that your performance will speak for itself.
    It might speak, but not in a language which’ll be understood by your bosses and people who matter!
    So you must speak for yourself!

  • Always be fair.
    apply a norm uniformly

  • Develop a robust sense of Humour!
    • Always Look at the lighter side of things!
    • Wear a smile on your lips
    • Put Smile on others’ faces too.
    • Smile is a curve that can put many things straight! ~ As the cliché goes!
    • It can add sunshine into people’s lives!
  • Be a good listener.
  • Negative responses while listening:
    • Changing the topic kaleidoscopically
    • Mind wandering
    • Babbling,”I know, I know!”
    • Avoiding eye-contact
    • Premature Response
    • Impatience and reticence
    • Impulsive quizzing
    • Starting to tell your own story, just to salve your ego (you tend to assume that it gets hurt if the other fellow is allowed to talk).
  • Try to divine the minds
    • Do not expect people to react in a particular way!
    • People’s perception is influenced by past events, opinions, culture, ethos, mindsets & notions
    • You have to give allowance for these influences.
  • Remember: the principle of “quid pro quo” prompts and propels the whole world!
    • Call it “Karma Theory”, if you like!
    • But there is no action without a cause (may not be apparent, but you can’t discount it!).
    • You have to give something to get something (”Win-Win” as Lee Iacoca would say!)
    • So, keep that in mind while dealing with others.
  • “Six ways to get along better”© By Kare Anderson.Kare Anderson
    (Read her book, “Getting what you want”.)
    1. Sidle.
      People are more likely to like each other, remember more of what they discuss, and agree when they “sidle,” standing or sitting side by side, rather than facing each other.
      Two women or a man and a woman are more likely to face each other. They literally “face off”. Two men instinctively sidle. Siddling brings people “in sync.” Walking and talking gets you further connected. The best time to resolve issues is while walking together to the meeting, not when you are in the meeting, sitting across from each other.

    2. Look for the underlying issue.
      When you are arguing for more than ten minutes, you are probably not discussing the real conflict and are thus unlikely to get it resolved in the discussion. Look for the underlying issue. Read Robert Bromson’s Dealing With Difficult People for ideas about how to recognize difficult behaviors and ways to respond to them.
    3. Detect lying earlier.
      When lying, most people can put an innocent expression on their face when you ask them a question about the topic, yet few (except pathological liars) get the right timing or duration of that expression. Ignore the expression itself when they respond but note whether they appear to put it on too soon or too late and if the duration of the expression seems off. Here your instincts will often guide you to knowing their truthfulness. To learn more about how to detect lying, read Paul Ekman’s book, Telling Lies.
    4. Come back to your scents.
      Since smell is the most directly emotional sense, bypassing much of the brain’s thinking process, consider how to introduce positively natural and uplifting scents into your environment as your own “sane self-indulgence.” A naturally scented environment refreshs people, so they feel uplifted. That’s why outlets as diverse as the Rainforest Cafe, Sahara Vegas Casino, Disney/Epcot Home of the Future and San Francisco Aquarium have created natural “signature scents” to avoid allergic reactions while refreshing those they serve.

      People who are responsible for your work setting may consider environmental scenting someday. Consider lightly scenting your uniform with the smells that are most comfortingly familiar to you. Two hospitals in Tokyo scent bed sheets with vanilla. Since a Paris hotel began scenting their twoels with rose and citrus, guests have been giving more positive reports on the hotel staff’s thoughtfulness and appearance. Vanilla, apple, and chocolate are Americans’ most -liked scents.

    5. Be vividly specific.
      A specific detail or example proves a general conclusion, not the reverse. A vivid, specific detail is memorable, while a general statement is less credible and easily forgotten. Ironically, most adult conversation and advertising is general. Children are more likely to be vividly specific and thus more memorable. When you want to be heard and remembered, characterize your information or request with a vivid, specific detail, example, story or contrasting options. Involve words that relate to the senses. For example “beautiful color” is not as vivid as “blue” which is not as vivid as “cobalt blue.”
    6. Be “plainly clear.”
      Avoid wearing patterned clothing or other detail on your clothing, especially on the upper half of the body, because it will shorten the attention span of the person with whom you are speaking.

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Interpersonal Relationship

July 9, 2007 · Filed Under General · 4 Comments 

Your success in all your pursuits depends on how effective you are in interacting and transacting with your fellow human beings. You can’t afford to be an island or a recluse in this world! I have listed some techniques that you can practice to make the most out of your relationship with others that you rub shoulders with in the journey of life. Please read on!

SOME HINTS

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