Nuggets of quirkiest quips, snappy snippets and something zesty and twitty!!
Page :: 13
Governments keep a lot of secrets from their people.
Why aren't the people in return allowed to keep secrets from the government?
~ Philip Zimmermann, Der Spiegl
If you're not outraged, you're not paying attention.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
~ Susan Ertz
Rule of Defactualization:
Information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies.
Some people are born mediocre, some people achieve mediocrity, and some people have mediocrity thrust upon them.
~ Joseph Heller, Catch-22
The trouble with being punctual is that people think you have nothing more important to do.
Alone, adj.:
In bad company.
~ Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
A transistor protected by a fast-acting fuse will protect the fuse by blowing first.
No good deed goes unpunished.
~ Clare Boothe Luce
Remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other.
Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
~ Bertrand Russell
O Liberty! How many crimes are committed in thy name!
~ Jeanne-Marie Roland
If you force folks to own what they say, odds are they’d watch what they say, too.
Employees make inexcusable errors; bosses make only human mistakes.
There are two ways of knowing. One is to actually know a thing, the other is knowing where to find out.
~ Samuel Johnson
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
~ Ingrid Bergman
Good better best
Never let 'em rest
Till your good is better
And your better best.
If food compromises with poison death will win.
~ Ayn Rand
Exercise and excuse are close cousins.
~ S.K
What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?
Magnets have a positive side.
If you lend someone money, and never see him again, it was probably worth it.
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
Goethe
You have the right to remain silent. Please exercise it.
~ a T-shirt factoid
Behind every successful man is a woman; behind her is his wife.
~ Groucho Marx
If you don't like the news, go out and make some.
He was arrested for walking in someone else's sleep.
He doesn't know the meaning of fear, but then he doesn't know the meaning of most words.
Work always fascinates me. I can sit and watch it for hours.
Q: What is the thinnest book in the world?
A: "What men know about women".
If god had really intended men to fly, he'd have made it easier to get to the airport.
I don't know, I don't care and it doesn't make any difference.
~ Albert Einstein
You can select any color of the car you want, as long as it is black.
~ Henry Ford
All men are animals. Some make better pets.
I tell you, gold is easier found than kept.
~ Luis L'Amour
The day you start realizing what your father said was right, you already have a son who says you are wrong.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
~ Terry Pratchett
It is a cliché that most clichés are true, but then like most clichés, that cliché is untrue.
~ Stephen Fry
"Some oxygen molecules help fires burn, while others help make water, so sometimes it's brother against brother."
If you don't know what you are doing, do it neatly.
The term “Manage” is often used in common parlance with a tinge of negative connotation like this:
- He has somehow ‘managed’ it.
- The student just ‘managed’ to pass the examination.
- His house is not so big; just ‘manageable’.
- How did you ‘manage’ to get a promotion, given your reputation as an abominable sloth!
What the heck is Management!
Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.
~ Peter Drucker.
A layman’s perception of management is some sort of an esoteric activity understood only by a few IIM-ians and Harvard-ians. It is also felt that the art of management is the exclusive domain of a few pompous pundits gushing out high-sounding and jargon-rich discourses. Besides, many creative management consultants nonchalantly drop awe-inspiring names like McKinsey’s, Tom Peters, Parkinson, Akio Morita, Lee Iacoca and their ilk. If you allow yourself to be still more awestruck, the wolves are apt to throw at you such pulpy and exotic best sellers like ‘One Minute Manager’, ‘10 Myths of Management’, ‘WOW’ etc. to bamboozle to a much greater degree!
A puritan has attempted to define the management thus:-
“Management is making desirable results happen through ethical and socially acceptable means, harnessing and optimally utilizing the available limited resources.”
But in fundamental terms, management is managing men who in turn manage the other components of an enterprise like money, machine and material. When “Business is people”, managing a business is managing people. Period.
In these Web pages, I wish to publish my collection of snippets and quirkiest quips and quotes from the very management Guru’s and also the experience of ordinary folks who have shown excellence in their own field of management.
Also some teensy-weensy tidbits out of my own humble efforts in practicing the art of management!
Please visit these pages:
- Management Snippets
- The wit and wisecracks of Tom Peters!
- Travails of a Manager
More of my collection of Management Principles are getting ready!
I hope to publish them Soon!
Please come back!
- In this highly competitive and chaotic market place, the sine qua non of success is to covet, dream and toil towards the goal on all cylinders.
- If you are a manager, look the part - well-groomed and smartly shod.
- A lynchpin:
“Every organization has a few people who are respected and generally listened to. They may not have a very high sounding designation but if you get them round to see the merits of an idea, you can be sure that it can be carried through the organization without any trouble.”
- Don’t ask for acceptance, earn it!
- An executive’s job is “task-driven”, whereas an entrepreneur’s is “idea-driven”.
- It is lonely at the top.
- Organizations can thrive today only if they have:
- Less hierarchy (Flat organization)
- Smaller egos and
- More teamwork.
- Trees always die from top - so do some organizations for want of integrity at the top level of management.
- Someone has to take responsibility. I will.
~ Sir Winston Churchill.
- If you want to achieve excellence, quit doing less than excellent work!
~ Thomas Watson, Founder - IBM.
- The best way to get nothing done is to take up intractable problems which no one else has been able to solve in the centuries before you!
- Work must be more fun than fun!
~ Noel Coward.
- Change is a door which can be opened only from the inside.
~ A French proverb.
- There is no such thing as a “Good man”. Good for what is the question.
~ Abraham Lincoln.
- Don’t do anything that someone else can do for you.
- A “well-rounded person” is a sure-shot prescription for mediocrity!
- There are no buffer zones at the top. Winners and leaders do not live off buffer zones.
- Actually, a Government bureau is the nearest thing to eternal life we will ever have on earth. No government ever voluntarily reduces itself in size. Government programmes once launched, never quite disappear.
~ Ronald Reagon.
- “I look back when I was 19 years old and a friend of mine, Paul Allen and I had a dream. And the dream was that computing will be very different.”
~ Bill Gates.
- Talk to your customer as if he is a long-lost friend!
~ From FISH!
- If we choose to love the work we do, we can catch the limit of happiness, meaning and fulfillment everyday.
~ From FISH!
- People spend about 75% of their adult wake time doing work-related activities - getting ready for work, traveling to work, working and decompressing after work. If we spend that much time in that part of our lives, we ought to enjoy it and be energized by it.
~ Ken Blanchard, Ph.D.
- An executive has to talk and then walk the talk!
- Avoid verbal diarrhea in business communication. Abhor filibustering and gibble-gabbling.
- Let your letters and talk be crisp and to the point. When time is directly proportional to money, why indulge in the pastime of farting through the mouth!
- Golden rules of written communication:
- Ask yourself, “Is it really necessary, anyway?”
- Clarify your ideas before even putting pen on paper (or, booting your Personal Computer!)
- Meditate a while on the true purpose of the communication
- Ensure that every sentence serves a purpose, and conveys something of value to the reader. In short, don’t waffle!
- And never ever forget this axiom:
The moving finger writes, and, having writ,
Moves on; nor all thy Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a line,
Nor all thy tears wash out a word of it.
~ Omar Khayyam
- Man ages by managing!
- Management is essentially to be focussed on attitude instead of skills.
- Ask yourself how you would like your boss to manage you and you’ll get a reasonable idea how to manage your people.
- An iron-clad hierarchic organization breeds obsequious behaviour with superiors, competitive behaviour with peers and indifferent behaviour with subordinates.
- Time and people have to be woven together to achieve the set objectives.
- Remember, diamonds are formed by extreme pressure! People harness their faculties only under pressure!
Nuggets of quirkiest quips, snappy snippets and something zesty and twitty!!
Page :: 5
When the government bureau's remedies don't match your problem, you modify the problem, not the remedy.
When God endowed human beings with brains, he did not intend to guarantee them.
In Africa some of the native tribes have a custom of beating the ground with clubs and uttering spine chilling cries. Anthropologists call this a form of primitive self-expression. In America we call it golf.
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure..!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
The Income Tax Act of India runs over 950 pages with an assortment of 298 sections.
Save energy: be apathetic.
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
To determine how long it will take to write and debug a program, take your best estimate, multiply that by two, add one, and convert to the next higher units.
~ The Briggs-Chase Law of Program Development
Every absurdity has a champion who will defend it.
When all other means of communication fail, try words.
News is something someone somewhere doesn't want printed. Everything else is advertising!
Even the best watchmakers of the world cannot stop time!
Admiration is the daughter of ignorance.
Middle age is when the age starts to show around the middle!
At first man seeks possessions. Then the possessions become the man. Then he loses his self, his spirit and his soul.
Never trouble the trouble until trouble troubles you!
To call him 'moth-balled' is an insult to naphthalene.
Zadra's Law of BioMechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach!
Today''s laurels are tomorrow''s compost!
Why 'Expires on' or 'Use before'? Why not 'Enjoy by'?
I don't want friends. Friends always hurt you in the end. The human race is flawed from its very inception. Nobody is really able to love unselfishly. Everybody is cursed with the dark design of evolution, masterful yet cruel oeuvre of God.
~ Isidore Ducasse
The man who makes no mistake does not usually make anything.
You get ulcer not from what you eat but from what eats you.
Major organizations try to find temporary solutions to permanent problems and permanent solutions to temporary problems!
All round happiness!
- Walk groundly
- Talk profoundly
- Drink roundly
- Sleep soundly.
Researchers in Nottingham University in England have found that mothers who shun meat or fish and swear by herbivoral existence are more likely to give birth to daughters than carnivores! The reason: It is theorized that vegetarian diet stresses the mothers' body so much that only the stronger (read - female) embryos survive!
A ship is safest anchored at the harbor. But it is not meant for that purpose.
Don't try to be so humble, you are not that great!
"'sic transit gloria mundi' (Thus passes the Glory of the World!)"
Light cannot be adulterated with darkness.
"You cannot make an omelette without breaking the egg."
He had such a criminal record that he was wanted in 12 states and not wanted in the rest!
Drinking problem: 2 hands, but only one mouth!
Fool me once, shame on you! Fool me twice, shame on me!
"One of these days is none of these days!"
It is the busiest man who has time to spare.
Guide to Modern Science:
- If it is green or if it wriggles, it is Biology.
- If it stinks, it is Chemistry.
- If it doesn't work, it is Physics.
- If it is incomprehensible, it is Mathematics.
- If it doesn't make any sense, it is either economics or Psychology!
I could have been an Egyptologist, but mummy objected.
I wanted to be a mathematician, but I had too many problems.
Alternately, I wanted to become a mid-wife, but the labor pained me.
What is a sanitarium? Ans: A 'nut factory'!
Nuggets of quirkiest quips, snappy snippets and something zesty and twitty!!
Page :: 8
My dad discovered my mom and then invented me.
~ Unknown.
A person's worst critics are those who have benefited the most from him.
~ Aesop.
The hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which to burn.
~ David Russell.
It's called take-home pay because there's nowhere else you can afford to go with it!
~ Anon.
Where there is a will, there is an inheritance tax.
~ Anon.
Doctors bury their mistakes. Lawyers hang them. But journalists put theirs on the front page.
~ Don't know who!"
History never looks like history when you are living through it.
~ John W. Gardner."
Reading made Don Quixote a gentleman. Believing what he read made him mad.
~ George Bernard Shaw.
Don't drink and park. Accidents cause people!
A rupee saved is Income Tax department's oversight.
Science is organized knowledge. Wisdom is organized life.
~ Immanuel Kant.
A prohibitionist is the sort of man one wouldn't care to drink with -- even if he drank.
~ H.L. Mencken.
A musicologist is a man who can read music but can't hear it.
~ Sir Thomas Beecham.
Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.
~ Mark Twain .
The world is a dangerous place to live, not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it.
~ Albert Einstein
The great tragedy of science: the slaying of a beautiful hypothesis by an ugly fact.
~ Thomas Huxley
History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon.
~ Napoleon
First we thought the PC was a calculator. Then we found out how to turn numbers into letters with ASCII; and we thought it was a typewriter. Then we discovered graphics, and we thought it was a television. With the World Wide Web, we've realized it's a brochure.
~ Douglas Adams
I have learnt silence from the talkative, tolerance from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet strange, I am ungrateful to these teachers.
~ Khalil Gibran
He who joyfully marches in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would suffice.
~ Albert Einstein
Technological progress has merely provided us with more efficient means for going backwards.
~ Aldous Huxley
Success depends on three things:
- who says it,
- what he says,
- how he says it;
and of these three things,
what he says is the least important.
~ John, Viscount Morley of Blackburn
When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.
~ Franklin D.Roosevelt
Journalism largely consists in saying "Lord Jones Dead" to people who never knew that Lord Jones was alive.
~ C.K.Chesterton
Nothing is so unbelievable that oratory can't make it believable.
~ Cicero
India has too many laws; too little justice.
~ N.A.Palkiwala
An appeaser is one who feeds a corcodile - hoping that it will eat him last.
~ Winston Churchill
I cannot forecast to you the action of Russia. It is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma.
~ Winston Churchill.
Restlessness is discontent and discontent is the first necessity of progress - show me a thoroughly satisfied man and I will show you a failure.
~ Thomas Alva Edison.
Few people know how to be old.
~ Rochefoucauld
A man never tells you anything until you contradict him.
~ George Bernard Shaw.
Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
Sign posted in a Rhodes tailor shop
It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
A sign posted in Germany's Black forest
I sometimes feel I am diagonally parked in a parallel universe..!
Saw in a sig.
Don't drill too deep for truth; you'll end up deeply disappointed!
~ S.K
A Whale shark is a whale among sharks, whereas a Killer Whale is a shark among whales!
~ S.K
Each year 100 million sharks are being killed by man - so many that if you put them together, nose to tail, they would encircle the globe five times!
~ Premier Magazine.
I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.
~ Mark Twain
If you don't stand for something, you might fall for everything.
It is not the pen.
It is the penmanship.
Nuggets of quirkiest quips, snappy snippets and something zesty and twitty!!
Page :: 7
A hangover is the vengeance of grapes!
You ain't learning nothing when you are talking!
I have made up my mind. So, don't confuse me with facts!
Depression is the higher pitch of sorrow just as rancour is a higher pitch of anger.
'Ties are for slaves!' - A T-Shirt ad.
He was the only one in the group on a trip to Europe who didn't find anything wrong with the Tower of Pisa!
A man isn't necessarily a burglar because he wears a decent set of dress!
If someone doesn't create wealth, and slightly excess of it, charity would not just begin at home but would remain there!
We are on the wrong side of the tapestry
~ Father Brown
Fact is opinion.
~ Jug Soraya
I have been doing this from the time when you were a mere itch in your father's pants.
~ Heared in "Lethal weapon".
All cats are gray in the dark!
Which is bigger, Mr.Bigger or Master Bigger?
Ans: Master Bigger, because he is a little Bigger!
Which is bigger, Mr.Bigger or his Old maid aunt?
Ans: The old maid aunt, because, whatever happens, she is always Bigger!
~ P.G.wodehouse.
Some cute Euphemistic Aliases!
- Car Salesperson: Transportation Counselor
- Elevator Operator: A member of the Vertical Transportation Corps
- Shovel: A combat Emplacement Excavator
- A lie: Inadvertently disclosed incorrect information
- A lie (2): Terminological Inexactitude
- Atom Bomb: Radiation enhancement device.
- Firing an Employee: Proactive repositioning.
- Insanity: Mental activity at the margin.
- Lobbyist, Middleman or a Fixer: Freelance marketing consultant.
- Debt: Investment deficit.
There is one thing to be said about an egotist - he doesn't talk about other people.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
Diplomacy is the art of saying, "Nice doggie" until you can pick up a big stick.
The average time between throwing something out and needing it again is about two weeks.
Oratory is the art of making deep noises from the chest sound like important messages from the brain.
If you can't get a lawyer who knows the law, get one who knows the judge.
Enjoy life. There's plenty of time to be dead
I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is to try to please everyone
~ Bill Cosby
The cheapest way to get your family tree traced is to run for an office in an election.
After retirement you'll find out that all those things you never had time to do become all those things that you have no money to do.
He was called arrogant, cavalier, cantankerous, impulsive,mercurial, self-absorbed, egotistical, combative, flamboyant, conceited, impractical and in short, a Genius!
Anyone who says he can see through a woman is missing a lot.
~ Groucho Marx.
A jack of all trades leads an interesting life. But the master realizes one day that he is no longer the master.
~ Riz khan.
Democracy is inseparable from incompetence.
~ Rudyard Kipling.
Wealth is the foe of ingenuity.
~ Prof.Northcote Parkinson.
Some cause happiness wherever they go, others whenever they go.
~ Oscar Wilde.
There are many ways of going forward, but only one of standing still.
~ Franklin.D.Roosevelt.
A thief believes everybody steals.
~ E.W.Howe.
Darkness can't drive out darkness; Hate cannot drive out hate.
~ Martin Luther King.Jr.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
~ Anon.
The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it.
~ W. M. Lewis.
Life is like a beautiful melody, only the lyrics are messed up.
~ Anon.
Quoting one is plagiarism; Quoting many is research.
~ Anon.
Never argue with an idiot, they drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
~ Anon.
Give me a lever long enough and a fulcrum on which to place it, and I shall move the world.
~ Archimedes, (Pappus of Alexandria).
When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their watches, but what I do not tolerate is when they look at it and raise it to their ear to find out if it has stopped!
~ Marcel Achard.
Nuggets of quirkiest quips, snappy snippets and something zesty and twitty!!
Page :: 6
"Today is the Tomorrow that you worried about Yesterday!"
We have countless little ancestors inside us constantly trying to tell us what to do.
"We pretend to work because they pretend to pay."
Only Robinson Crusoe had everything done by Friday!
Before my parents made me, they broke the mould.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math!
"Time stops when law steps in."
"No man is a hero to his valet!"
Benito Musolini made Italian trains run on time (so did Indira Gandhi in India during Emergency!)
There are some people who are famous only for being famous!
Big jump ideas, if one reviews past history, have come out of mistakes, accidents and madness.
~ Edward de Bono
Some days I feel my life is in a "win-when" situation!
I don’t like to be reminded that I was once inside another person!
"Higher level of intelligence makes the person defend his point increasingly and try to prove someone else wrong."
Opinions are like a**holes - everybody has them!
The smell of wet earth.
Clouds chasing each other.
The flash of a diving kingfisher.
A drink from a burbling brook.
A fruit from a branch above.
A mouthful of mountain mist.
Trees to climb.
Tigers to fear.
And whales to wonder at.
Oh, to be a child and inherit all this.
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
Altitude has no effect on validity. Bullshit cannot be converted to truth simply by dropping it from a greater height.
In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
Insanity is my only means of relaxation.
One of the life's mysteries is how a two-pound box of candy can make a woman gain five pounds.
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
Every time I think about exercise, I lie down until the thought goes away.
It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the moment of temptation.
Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.
The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
The nice part of living in a small town is that when I don't know what I'm doing, someone else does.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
Age doesn't always bring wisdom; sometimes age comes alone.
Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.
Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.
If at first you don't succeed, see if the loser gets anything.
You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop laughing.
Can it be a mistake that "STRESSED" is "DESSERTS" spelled backwards?
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever!
~ A chinese proverb.
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I am S.K!
Ok, what's the big deal, you may ask! But you may miss a good deal if you do not dwell deep into this web site, specially hand-crafted for you. But what about me, the person? Wait, I am not good at making things up. If you stumble upon a good-sounding résumé, please pass it on to me!
