Nuggets-Page-5

When the government bureau's remedies don't match your problem, you modify the problem, not the remedy.

When God endowed human beings with brains, he did not intend to guarantee them.

In Africa some of the native tribes have a custom of beating the ground with clubs and uttering spine chilling cries. Anthropologists call this a form of primitive self-expression. In America we call it golf.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure..!

Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

The Income Tax Act of India runs over 950 pages with an assortment of 298 sections.

Save energy: be apathetic.

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

To determine how long it will take to write and debug a program, take your best estimate, multiply that by two, add one, and convert to the next higher units.

Every absurdity has a champion who will defend it.

When all other means of communication fail, try words.

News is something someone somewhere doesn't want printed. Everything else is advertising!

Even the best watchmakers of the world cannot stop time!

Admiration is the daughter of ignorance.

Middle age is when the age starts to show around the middle!

At first man seeks possessions. Then the possessions become the man. Then he loses his self, his spirit and his soul.

Never trouble the trouble until trouble troubles you!

To call him 'moth-balled' is an insult to naphthalene.

Zadra's Law of BioMechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach!

Today''s laurels are tomorrow''s compost!

Why 'Expires on' or 'Use before'? Why not 'Enjoy by'?

I don't want friends. Friends always hurt you in the end. The human race is flawed from its very inception. Nobody is really able to love unselfishly. Everybody is cursed with the dark design of evolution, masterful yet cruel oeuvre of God.

The man who makes no mistake does not usually make anything.

You get ulcer not from what you eat but from what eats you.

Major organizations try to find temporary solutions to permanent problems and permanent solutions to temporary problems!

All round happiness!

• Walk groundly
• Talk profoundly
• Drink roundly
• Sleep soundly.

Researchers in Nottingham University in England have found that mothers who shun meat or fish and swear by herbivoral existence are more likely to give birth to daughters than carnivores! The reason: It is theorized that vegetarian diet stresses the mothers' body so much that only the stronger (read - female) embryos survive!

A ship is safest anchored at the harbor. But it is not meant for that purpose.

Don't try to be so humble, you are not that great!

"'sic transit gloria mundi' (Thus passes the Glory of the World!)"

Light cannot be adulterated with darkness.

"You cannot make an omelette without breaking the egg."

He had such a criminal record that he was wanted in 12 states and not wanted in the rest!

Drinking problem: 2 hands, but only one mouth!

Fool me once, shame on you! Fool me twice, shame on me!

"One of these days is none of these days!"

It is the busiest man who has time to spare.

Guide to Modern Science:

• If it is green or if it wriggles, it is Biology.
• If it stinks, it is Chemistry.
• If it doesn't work, it is Physics.
• If it is incomprehensible, it is Mathematics.
• If it doesn't make any sense, it is either economics or Psychology!

I could have been an Egyptologist, but mummy objected.
I wanted to be a mathematician, but I had too many problems.
Alternately, I wanted to become a mid-wife, but the labor pained me.

What is a sanitarium? Ans: A 'nut factory'!