Nuggets of quirkiest quips, snappy snippets and something zesty and twitty!!
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Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.
Laurence J. Peter

Indecision may or may not be my problem.

I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Late to bed and late to wake will keep you long on money and short on mistakes.
Aaron McGruder

The best doctor in the world is the veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter-he's got to just know.
Will Rogers

"Who are you and how did you get in here?"
"I'm a locksmith. And, I'm a locksmith."
Leslie Nielsen

The main dangers in this life are the people who want to change everything - or nothing.
Nancy Astor

Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it.
Gordon R. Dickson

The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor judge of distance.
Laurence J. Peter

You must quit when people ask you "why", and not, "why not"!
Sir Frank Worrell, the West Indies cricket legend.

Be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.

The ripest peach is highest on the tree.

Morality is contraband in war.
~ Mohandas K. Gandhi

When I could not see the light with my blind eyes, I blamed not my eyes, but the sun.
~ Saint Jerome

The punishment which the wise suffer who refuse to take part in the government, is to live under the government of worse men.
~ Plato

Eighty percent of success is showing up.
~ Woody Allen

But there are advantages to being elected President. The day after I was elected, I had my high school grades classified Top Secret.
~ Ronald Reagan

"If I don't seem as depressed or morose as I should be, sorry to disappoint you."

There is no such thing, at this stage of the world's history in America, as an independent press. I am paid weekly for keeping my honest opinions out of the paper. We are intellectual prostitutes.
John Swinton, a journalist, in 1890

Television enables you to be entertained in your home by people you wouldn't have in your home.
~ David Frost

Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day.
Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat.
Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consultant
~ Scott Adams

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
~ Cato the Elder

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
~ Rich Cook

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
~ Scott Adams

Man is the lowest-cost, 150-pound, nonlinear, all-purpose computer system which can be mass-produced by unskilled labor.
~ NASA in 1965

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.
~ Aesop

Research is the process of going up alleys to see if they are blind.
~ Marston Bates

All marriages are mixed marriages.
~ Chantal Saperstein

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
~Will Rogers

To believe is to know you believe, and to know you believe is not to believe.
~ Jean-Paul Sartre

Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
~ Groucho Marx

What is written without effort is in general read without pleasure.
~ Samuel Johnson

The trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed.
~ C. S. Lewis

An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support.
~ John Buchan

The petty economies of the rich are just as amazing as the silly extravagances of the poor.
~ William Feather

When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not.
~ Mark Twain

All Religions were invented by the Devil to conceal God from Mankind.

Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure.
~ Earl Wilson

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.

There are persons who, when they cease to shock us, cease to interest us.
~ Francis H. Bradley

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