Nuggets-Page-10
Nuggets of quirkiest quips, snappy snippets and something zesty and twitty!!
Page :: 10
Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.
Indecision may or may not be my problem.
I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.
Late to bed and late to wake will keep you long on money and short on mistakes.
The best doctor in the world is the veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter-he's got to just know.
"Who are you and how did you get in here?"
"I'm a locksmith. And, I'm a locksmith."
"I'm a locksmith. And, I'm a locksmith."
The main dangers in this life are the people who want to change everything - or nothing.
Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it.
The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor judge of distance.
You must quit when people ask you "why", and not, "why not"!
Be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.
The ripest peach is highest on the tree.
Morality is contraband in war.
When I could not see the light with my blind eyes, I blamed not my eyes, but the sun.
The punishment which the wise suffer who refuse to take part in the government, is to live under the government of worse men.
Eighty percent of success is showing up.
But there are advantages to being elected President. The day after I was elected, I had my high school grades classified Top Secret.
"If I don't seem as depressed or morose as I should be, sorry to disappoint you."
There is no such thing, at this stage of the world's history in America, as an independent press. I am paid weekly for keeping my honest opinions out of the paper. We are intellectual prostitutes.
Television enables you to be entertained in your home by people you wouldn't have in your home.
Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day.
Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat.
Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consultant
Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat.
Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consultant
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Man is the lowest-cost, 150-pound, nonlinear, all-purpose computer system which can be mass-produced by unskilled labor.
We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.
Research is the process of going up alleys to see if they are blind.
All marriages are mixed marriages.
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
To believe is to know you believe, and to know you believe is not to believe.
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
What is written without effort is in general read without pleasure.
The trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed.
An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support.
The petty economies of the rich are just as amazing as the silly extravagances of the poor.
When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not.
All Religions were invented by the Devil to conceal God from Mankind.
Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure.
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
There are persons who, when they cease to shock us, cease to interest us.