Truth redux

November 12, 2007 · Filed Under society · Comment 

After browsing through my outlandish interpretation of the legend of Harischandra in previous post, a precocious whizkid whom I met yesterday observed that the kid in question is likely to change his views when he grows up. He may look at the story in a different perspective when he comes of age and draw appropriate morals.

Fair enough. We have been reared up on these morals. No means of escaping! But what about the rebel in me, who is already past that age? May be it is yet another proof of the adage that one can continue to be immature throughout one’s life! But as Mr. Alfie Doolittle would readily acquiesce, “I like to be that way!”. Oh, half my kingdom for the bliss of ignorance! :razz:

And it leads me to the revisit of the topic of truth and trust through an article in the “CIO” magazine. Read more

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Get along with people

October 4, 2007 · Filed Under General · Comment 

This page dwells on the art of loving your fellow human beings genuinely. There is no better emotion than affection. Give dollops of Love all round. You get plentiful in return!

* Tell me often that you love me, through your actions and words. Don’t assume that I know it. I may look embarrassed and even deny it that I need that attention. But don’t believe me; Do it anyway!

* Compliment me often for jobs well done, and reassure me when I fail. Don’t take what I do for you for granted.

* Let me know when you feel low or lonely or misunderstood. Knowing that I have the power to comfort you makes me stronger. Remember though I love you, I can’t read your mind.

* Express joyous thoughts and feelings spontaneously. They bring vitality to our relationship. The world is full of delights and rich in possibilities. Allow the unplanned and unpredictable.

* Listen to me without judgment. Don’t tell me what I feel is insignificant or not real. It is my experience and therefore real to me.

* Let others know you value me. Public affirmation of our love makes me feel special and proud.

* Forgiveness often comes hard, especially when we can find no explanation for another person’s hurtful behaviour.

* Trust is impossible without truth. When there is no truth, there is no love. Even insignificant deceptions can lead to tangled webs of distrust.

* We must have as deep a respect for others’ attitudes and feelings as we do for our own.

* Often it is not the big problems that cause relationships to fail but a series of small things over a long period of time:

  1. little inconsiderate behaviours;
  2. thoughtless comments;
  3. words unspoken; or
  4. well intended acts that are constantly put off.

* We frequently treat casual acquaintances more thoughtfully than we do our loved ones. “Thank you”, “Please”, “I appreciate it”, “If you don’t mind” are ways to demo your love for another. Yes, understand that human mind longs for such overtures.

* We should create an environment of warmth and consideration for those we love, treating each other with dignity. We grow best in an atmosphere of thoughtfulness. Because there is nothing greater in life than loving another and being loved in return!

* “In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.”

~ Carl Sagan

* In order to live free and happily, you must sacrifice boredom. It is not always an easy sacrifice.

~ Richard Bach, Illusions

* It’s better to lead with your dreams, than to be pushed by your problems.

~ John T. Dornbach

* Live never to be ashamed if anything you do or say is published around the world - even if what is published is not true.

~ Richard Bach, from Illusions

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People First

July 11, 2007 · Filed Under General · Comment 

If you can think of something more stringent than Capital Punishment, you bet it is Solitary confinement (or, “the hole!”)
Man being a social animal, he craves continuous interaction with a fellow being of his own species!
I wish to dwell further into the very secret alleys of the enigma that is the homo-sapien!

Keep in mind!
  • People tend to remember unpleasant happenings than good ones. Hence it’d be wiser to avoid identifying yourself with the unsavory!
    Never be a harbinger of bad news!

    Once I did bad
    That I heard ever
    Once I did good
    That I heard never

  • Remember others’ Names!

    One’s name is the sweetest thing that one wants to hear!

    ~ Dale Carnegie.
  • If you want others to have confidence in you, you appear self-confident first!

  • We must accept others as we are - imperfect and incomplete!

    Do not apply double standards!

  • Do not be comparing yourself continually with others!

  • Your carriage, posture, demeanor and speech must exude confidence and generate comfort and peace of mind in others.

  • Show people what you can, not what you can’t!

  • Communicate with
    • Open eyes
    • Open mind
    • And Open ears
  • Communication is an Art!
    • Miscommunication is one of the chief causes of all conflicts.
    • One word may evoke different responses in people with different backgrounds. Gestures can convey not only different but opposite meanings.
    • Be clear in your own mind as to what you want to communicate. Use everyday language.
    • Always be “to the point”; do not drivel, hem and haw.
    • Look into the eye and speak!
    • Write in simple sentences, in plain unambiguous language. Don’t be a show-off - it’ll hurt other’s ego!
  • Don’t talk about yourself all the time.
    Everyone is interested more on him(her)self, not on you!
    Tone down the propensity to go “I”, “I”(1st chapter!) all the time!
    • Once gets a cheer
    • Twice a deaf ear
    • Thrice a kick in the rear!
  • Don’t be gullible to believe that your performance will speak for itself.
    It might speak, but not in a language which’ll be understood by your bosses and people who matter!
    So you must speak for yourself!

  • Always be fair.
    apply a norm uniformly

  • Develop a robust sense of Humour!
    • Always Look at the lighter side of things!
    • Wear a smile on your lips
    • Put Smile on others’ faces too.
    • Smile is a curve that can put many things straight! ~ As the cliché goes!
    • It can add sunshine into people’s lives!
  • Be a good listener.
  • Negative responses while listening:
    • Changing the topic kaleidoscopically
    • Mind wandering
    • Babbling,”I know, I know!”
    • Avoiding eye-contact
    • Premature Response
    • Impatience and reticence
    • Impulsive quizzing
    • Starting to tell your own story, just to salve your ego (you tend to assume that it gets hurt if the other fellow is allowed to talk).
  • Try to divine the minds
    • Do not expect people to react in a particular way!
    • People’s perception is influenced by past events, opinions, culture, ethos, mindsets & notions
    • You have to give allowance for these influences.
  • Remember: the principle of “quid pro quo” prompts and propels the whole world!
    • Call it “Karma Theory”, if you like!
    • But there is no action without a cause (may not be apparent, but you can’t discount it!).
    • You have to give something to get something (”Win-Win” as Lee Iacoca would say!)
    • So, keep that in mind while dealing with others.
  • “Six ways to get along better”© By Kare Anderson.Kare Anderson
    (Read her book, “Getting what you want”.)
    1. Sidle.
      People are more likely to like each other, remember more of what they discuss, and agree when they “sidle,” standing or sitting side by side, rather than facing each other.
      Two women or a man and a woman are more likely to face each other. They literally “face off”. Two men instinctively sidle. Siddling brings people “in sync.” Walking and talking gets you further connected. The best time to resolve issues is while walking together to the meeting, not when you are in the meeting, sitting across from each other.

    2. Look for the underlying issue.
      When you are arguing for more than ten minutes, you are probably not discussing the real conflict and are thus unlikely to get it resolved in the discussion. Look for the underlying issue. Read Robert Bromson’s Dealing With Difficult People for ideas about how to recognize difficult behaviors and ways to respond to them.
    3. Detect lying earlier.
      When lying, most people can put an innocent expression on their face when you ask them a question about the topic, yet few (except pathological liars) get the right timing or duration of that expression. Ignore the expression itself when they respond but note whether they appear to put it on too soon or too late and if the duration of the expression seems off. Here your instincts will often guide you to knowing their truthfulness. To learn more about how to detect lying, read Paul Ekman’s book, Telling Lies.
    4. Come back to your scents.
      Since smell is the most directly emotional sense, bypassing much of the brain’s thinking process, consider how to introduce positively natural and uplifting scents into your environment as your own “sane self-indulgence.” A naturally scented environment refreshs people, so they feel uplifted. That’s why outlets as diverse as the Rainforest Cafe, Sahara Vegas Casino, Disney/Epcot Home of the Future and San Francisco Aquarium have created natural “signature scents” to avoid allergic reactions while refreshing those they serve.

      People who are responsible for your work setting may consider environmental scenting someday. Consider lightly scenting your uniform with the smells that are most comfortingly familiar to you. Two hospitals in Tokyo scent bed sheets with vanilla. Since a Paris hotel began scenting their twoels with rose and citrus, guests have been giving more positive reports on the hotel staff’s thoughtfulness and appearance. Vanilla, apple, and chocolate are Americans’ most -liked scents.

    5. Be vividly specific.
      A specific detail or example proves a general conclusion, not the reverse. A vivid, specific detail is memorable, while a general statement is less credible and easily forgotten. Ironically, most adult conversation and advertising is general. Children are more likely to be vividly specific and thus more memorable. When you want to be heard and remembered, characterize your information or request with a vivid, specific detail, example, story or contrasting options. Involve words that relate to the senses. For example “beautiful color” is not as vivid as “blue” which is not as vivid as “cobalt blue.”
    6. Be “plainly clear.”
      Avoid wearing patterned clothing or other detail on your clothing, especially on the upper half of the body, because it will shorten the attention span of the person with whom you are speaking.

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