Pot, fart and projectile!
“Shit or get off the pot”
This is the beauty of a command used by Chris O’Donnell for proposing marriage to his long-time girlfriend Renee Zellweger in the flop comedy “The Bachelor”.
But none of us can really boast of taking such snap decisions in our life all the time.
Nevertheless the ubiquitous potty has a stellar role to play in your whole life. A date with the pot is something that you can’t afford to miss any day if you want to remain in the pink!
The web is replete with resources on farting which enjoys a sort of a symbiotic relationship with the pot – in fact one of the first downloads I had made in my toddling forays on the net was a WRI file called “Fart File”, a hillarious parody on this involuntary gaseous escape through the orifice!. You may Google for it too!
But someone has posted about a kinky predicament of his in a journal on Slashdot which he experiences while doing his potty sessions in the John!
It went like this:-
I am not sure if any of you guys have the same problem as I have, but it is something that many would fight shy of sharing with the other members of the homo-sapien species, especially on this public domain with the real, typical “Slashdot Effect”!
But then I have to give vent to my predicament, with the hope that someone on this planet who dwells on this website may have a similar problem, so that I can face the world boldly with the assurance that I am not alone with this peculiar issue with the potty! Potty? Yes, come on, I am getting down to the brass tacks, why don’t you wait!
Well, to make the long story short, the intricate and complex problem is that, due to a piece of shoddy engineering at the time of manufacture, my small (Oh, that explains the zillions of emails that bombard my in-box with sureshot remedies for enlargement! – But, how this secret info on the inches and centimeters got leaked out? Well, let me not digress!) part of the anatomy that is used for micturation (Baffled? – It is nothing but good old pee’ing! Just wanted to show off, what!) tends to assume a horizontal orientation when I squat on the potty (Europian Style Water Closet, for those nitpickers).
This peculiar style adopted by that devil of an organ of mine results in hazardous complications. What really happens is that, when I tend to pee during the bigger operation on the potty, the horizontal projectile tends to direct the jet on the tiny inter-stellar gap between the toilet seat and the top edge of the pot resulting in undesirable wetting of the floor nearby, carpet, tiles, my pants and all!
Now, pray tell me, is it not throwing up a multi-dimentional problem of gigantic proportions? What about the perpetual hazard to the health and hygine, if this issue is not settled forthwith? And the attendant embarassment and discumfiture? And the maneuvering strategies I have to adopt in order to keep the members of my household from getting scent of it – I promptly do some spraying, if you are keen to know!
I try to apply a tentative solution to this problem, as a matter of prevention of the catastrophe from happening, by trying to push down the thing so that the angle of depression is wee bit steeper so that it makes an acute angle to the vertical. You savvy? It is elementary trigonometry, man! But to my horror, it springs back to normal the moment I relax the pressure absently! (Normal = normal to the vertical!)
Now, the question is, does any other male member of this race has a similar syndrome? How does he manage it? Please share with me so that this poor soul can rest in peace in the rest room!
P.S:Others who are blessed with a better-oriented tube can also participate by offering me an IT-based technological solution!
Warning! This is a male chauvinistic Journal.
Any solutions? 🙂
How… philosophic!