One of my chief idiosyncrasies is compulsive procrastination. It is, perhaps, a serious affliction akin to schizophrenia. I tend to shilly-shally almost every act that is mandatory for no reason whatever. I think I am a psychic case fit enough to give a happy living to a practicing shrink. But that is not to be owing to the financial status of the victim which is just hovering around the solvency level. It is a wonder that I have survived these decades of existence in spite of this grave shortcoming thanks to chance, luck and my earthy better half (mostly bitter half!).
I seem to revel in this art of postponing just for the heck of it. I apply this fine art to reading, writing (including replying to letters and emails, form-filling and writing the appraisal reports which has a timeline), watching movies or listening to music. I do not play favourites in this matter. I have a terrible backlog in reading books to the extent of 25 waking years. I doubt I’ll finish it in this avatar. And what about all these racks of CD’s with Carnatic music MP3’s of past and present masters that I have collected so assiduously over decades. And those VCD’s and DVD’s! Gawd, give me more time – but no use! I’ll naturally put off the extra time too the same way I have done with the prime time.
I resolved to put up a fight and “put my shoulder to the wheel” and combat my psychic disorder with auto-suggestion. Thy will not postpone anything here afterwards. Done. But to what end? Halfway through I’ve started indulging in the favourite sport of mind wandering and heady fantasizing. Perils of being born with lopsided right brain! I inwardly eulogize my creative grey matter capable of envisioning situations beyond the parabola of thoughts. But to what avail? Have I created any work worth the name; any asset to speak about. It is all broth – no beer stuff.
One day I started drawing up a road map for what little time left for me in this incarnation and clear the backlog and keep things up to date and show the world that I too, am capable of bucking up my affairs. The plan was worth a military campaign – only the execution was a la WMD-Iraq fiasco!
My hard disk is full of saved .mht’s, Cogitum Co-Citers, .txt’s, .ppt’s and files of every possible file extension saved for future (sic) reading! But where is the future for them when it is getting bloated each day! Dunno what will come of this unread collection – either the next generation will format the HDD or it will self-destruct by crashing. But life goes on!
Well, I have just bought 2 books of Devan which are missing from my collection, 3 of S.V.V and one of Sujatha when I made a beeline to Higginbothams yesterday. May be I should visit Landmark for a couple of CD’s!
Tomorrow is another day!
- Murder by messages
- Grooks, the need of the hour!